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Starting School in Spain - an ex-pat mothers experience of her children starting school at age 2.5.

"I'm a big boy," said my 2.5-year-old as he gazed in awe at his brand-new Spiderman backpack."I'm going to big school like my big brother!"


He was so excited. For weeks, he’d been telling anyone who would listen that he wasn’t going to baby nursery anymore. Having escorted his big brother through the school gates since he was tiny, he knew exactly what to expect. He knew where he was going. I was convinced it would be an easy move—so different from when his older brother first started school, an experience I never wanted to repeat.



The night before school started, my confidence wavered. Memories of those first days with my eldest in Ibiza came flooding back. At the time, I was teaching at a private school and thought it would be best for him to join me. It turned out to be the opposite. The entrance was traumatic: he cried every day. If my husband dropped him off, he sobbed at the gate. If I did, he clung to me, confused about why his mama would go be with another class instead of staying with him. It was heartbreaking, and I was weighed down by guilt, regret, and constant thoughts of “Why are we doing this?”


The truth was simple: we both had to work, and there wasn’t a “halfway house” between nursery and school here like back home. Private childcare wasn’t an option, and without family support, he began school at just 2 years old.

In Spain, children don’t legally have to start school until age 6, but most join the infantil classes from the year they turn 3. While these years are technically preschool, many are attached to large primary or even secondary schools, so the experience still feels like “big school.” The majority of kids go straight through from infantil into primary, forming strong friendships along the way.


In Ibiza, parents make many different choices: mainstream schools, private options, alternative learning environments, or even homeschooling (a legal grey area after age 6). For us, we chose mainstream schooling as a way to integrate into Spanish culture.


Both of my boys are winter babies, meaning they’ve always been the youngest in their class. Last week, we began the adaptación (adaptation) process with my youngest, and here’s how it went:


  • Day 1: One hour in class with me.

  • Day 2: Half an hour alone. He looked at me as I left but then went off to play. He seemed tired but not unhappy at pickup.

  • Day 3: An hour alone. He was cheerful going in and smiling when we collected him. I felt so relieved!

  • Then came the weekend… Why they start adaptación mid-week I’ll never know. After a full weekend with mama, Monday was a struggle.

  • Day 4: Two hours alone. This is when the wheels came off. He cried, I cried, Daddy cried. The teacher reassured me it would be fine—“after five minutes they always stop”—but it doesn’t make it any easier on your heart.

  • Day 5: Today he goes in with his full class for the first time. I’ve braced myself with a meditation and a healthy breakfast for him, and I’m armed with some tips I’ll share below.


The truth is, school entry stirs up a lot for us as parents. It’s not just about our kids learning to separate—it’s about us learning to trust, to let go, and to feel confident that we’re doing what’s right. WHoch doesnt always come easy. Its a constant worry of - are we doing the right thimg? Is this school the best option for him? What if we F*** it up?!!


While vodka in my morning coffee has crossed my mind as a coping mechanism - here are some genuine, expert-backed tips that might help with the process for you and your little one:



  • Name the Feelings

    Let your child know it’s normal to feel nervous, excited, or even sad. Saying something like “It looks like you’re feeling a bit wobbly — that’s okay, lots of kids feel like that when they start something new and so does mummy": validates their emotions and helps them feel understood.


  • Talk Through the Day in Advance

    Gently explain what the school day will look like — drop-off, playtime, lunch, and pickup. A simple, predictable outline reassures children and reduces anxiety about the unknown.


  • Focus on Connection, Not Performance

    Instead of asking “What did you learn today?”, try “What made you smile?” or “Who did you play with?”. This takes the pressure off and encourages your child to associate school with positive, relational experiences.


  • Create Calm Morning Routines

    Rushed mornings can set the tone for a stressful day. Build in small moments of calm connection — reading a page from a book, doing a deep breath together, or sharing a family cuddle before leaving the house.


  • Anchor Them with Reconnection Rituals

    Just as important as saying goodbye is the moment you reunite. Whether it’s a special snack, a cuddle, or simply giving them your full attention, a strong reconnection ritual reminds your child that separation is always followed by return.


  • Take a toy or something to hold

    with both my biys I have found giving them something to take in to show their teacher or friends gives them something to be excited about to go in. Im going to try this one today!



Here are some useful links I found if you want to read futher (the tips above came from these)


 
 
 

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