Is it me, my husband, menopause or matrescence? The evolution of self in Motherhood - and why it can be uncomfortable within a partnership.

When we think of Motherhood we often think sleepless nights, endless to do lists, cute smiles and cuddles and running around after everyone. But what we rarely talk about is the change happening inside you: a transformation of identity, body, mind, and soul that every woman experiences when she becomes a mother. Going through this process can change the way we look at the world. It can change us as people, turning everything that once was true for us on its head. A new angle of looking at the world.  

Call it a change in perspective... or a personal evolution or even a spiritual awakening. 

It’s not just about raising a child. It’s about awakening to a new consciousness. A new side to you.  It affects every part of life, but where we can feel it most is in our relationships.

Motherhood as a Spiritual Awakening

A "spiritual awakening" means a shift into higher consciousness, a moment when the ego—the “old me”—softens, and something deeper rises up, you become more intentional, you see things more objectively.

For many women, the birth of a child is the first time life and the way you live it- is questioned. Everything is all of a sudden so raw. So important!

Suddenly, your priorities reorient. Your body, your emotions, your worldview—everything changes. Neuroscience shows us  that pregnancy and birth rewire the brain to deepen empathy and bonding. Your Brain physically changes.

But spiritual awakenings are not tidy. You are different. And you might not be the only one who notices it. It can feel confusing, lonely, and disorienting. This is why many mothers describe early motherhood as both the hardest and the most soul-expanding season of their lives. 

The Cascade Effect: When “Me” Becomes “We”

In Mama Rising, we talk about the Cascade of Motherhood—because nothing is left untouched.

• Your identity splits between who you were and who you are becoming.

• You wrestle with guilt, self-silencing, and perfectionism.

• Rage, grief, and exhaustion surface alongside love and joy.

• Your sense of self expands beyond the individual into the collective—“from Me to We.”

And of course, the closest “we” is your partnership.

How This Awakening Affects Your Relationship

Here’s the truth: motherhood often reshapes a couple’s dynamic more than either partner expects. Studies show that couples who once promised “50/50” often find equality slipping, with mothers taking on an average of 37 more hours of unpaid work per week after baby arrives.

This shift can bring resentment, distance, and even rage. Not because love disappears, but because one partner is undergoing a profound awakening while the other may still be living by the old rules.

Common problems:

Different timelines: Your partner may not experience the same change in views as you do.  

Conflicting schedules: Also time with kids can mean conflicting schedules. Often couples end up sharing shifts with the children if you are both working full time.

Unequal loads: The mental load—the planning, anticipating, remembering—falls heavily on mothers. Often each partner thinks they have an unfair share and that too much is on their plate. 

Self-silencing: To “keep the peace,” many women quiet their truth, only to feel disconnected from themselves and their partners. Pushing opinions down so as nit to cause an argument. When that just pushes the issues down until they spring back out (not in the way you want)

From Fracture to Growth

A spiritual awakening cracks things open so something new can grow. In partnership, this might mean:

• Honest conversations: Speaking truths you’ve long buried.

• Redefining roles: Moving away from default gender roles into conscious choice.

• Deepened intimacy: Seeing each other not just as co-parents, but as humans walking through transformation side by side.

As Jane Hardwicke-Collings says, a rite of passage is a fork in the road: one way is healing and one way is re-wounding. The way you and your partner navigate this fork matters—not just for you, but for your children.

An Invitation

If you find yourself wondering why your relationship feels strained since becoming a mother, know this: it’s not that you’re failing. It’s that you’re awakening.

Motherhood isn’t only the raising of a child. It’s the raising of a woman into her fullest self. But there needs to be growth on both sides. Sometimes spiritual growth can mean that you have to let go of something that doesnt fit anymore. Or if worked at - and with conscious support, your partnership can evolve alongside you—stronger, truer, and more deeply connected into the version of a family you always hoped for.

Your turn: Have you felt motherhood change the way you see your partner? Has it pulled you apart, brought you closer—or a bit of both? I’d love to hear your reflections.

Follow my Matrescence coaching platform Lou Nevitt & Co on Instagram: @lounevitt.co